5 Common Types Of Disrespect In Relationships That Need To Stop
Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of couples are WAY too comfortable disrespecting each other.
You’d think it’s something most couples would do their best to avoid, but I notice it happening all the time; not only in public, but among the couples I work with as well.
This comfort with being disrespectful to your partner is often a sign that you’re taking each other’s commitment for granted. When that happens, the politeness goes out the door and you’re more likely to be reckless with how you treat each other because you assume your partner will stick around anyway.
It seems most people don’t do it with the intent of hurting their partner; they’re just self-centered and only concerned about their own feelings in the moment.
Let me give you a few examples of what I see happening:
1. Making Condescending Remarks About Your Partner’s Thoughts or Feelings
When your partner does or says something you don’t think makes sense, do you ask more questions to find out how they arrived at their conclusion? Or do you just let them know how dumb or misguided you think it is?
When you always think you’re right, every opinion your partner has that’s different from yours sounds ridiculous.
To you, it has no ground because it’s not supported by your personal experience. However, it’s based on your partner’s personal experience, which is just as valid and important as yours.
Once you can learn to respect that, you’ll find that your differences don’t have to be points of contention, but opportunities to learn and understand a perspective other than your own.
2. Dismissive Body Language / Tone of Voice
What we communicate to each other isn’t only composed of words. Our body language and tone of voice also contribute to the message you send to your partner.
So when they’re speaking and you respond with an eye roll, sucking your teeth, a condescending or a sarcastic tone of voice, it communicates disrespect even if the words you’re using don’t.
To them, it says they’re incompetent or what they’re saying doesn’t have merit. It leaves them feeling insulted and looked down upon.
It’s important to be intentionally conscious about how your body language and tone of voice play a role in the message you’re sending to your partner.
It might take some practice, but the extra effort is worth protecting your relationship from the damage of contempt.
3. Threatening To Leave / Give Up On The Relationship
Your partner needs to know they can count on you to get through troubling times when they come up.
Each time you toss around the idea of leaving and don’t, you chip away at their trust in your commitment more and more.
How can you expect them to be fully committed to you when you’re showing them you’d rather leave than find a way to make it work when things get tough?
The best way to handle not knowing how to fix whatever problem you’re facing is to just be honest with your partner about it.
Let them know you feel discouraged or frustrated. Instead of using the situation as an opportunity to throw in the towel, use it as an opportunity to connect and work through the problem together.
4. Name Calling
Names meant to hurt your partner have no place in your relationship. At all. For any reason.
Doing so is child play and does nothing but make whatever problem you’re dealing with worse.
Learn to direct your frustrations towards the problem you’re dealing with and not towards each other.
5. Mocking or Insulting Your Partner [Especially In Public]
There’s a big difference between joking and laughing together about something your partner did versus joking and laughing about what they did at their expense.
Some people have a harsher sense of humor than others, and that’s fine if your partner gets it, but once the joke becomes hurtful to them, it’s no longer funny.
Adding an “LOL” [or actually laughing out lout] doesn’t remove the sting of harsh words, especially spoken by someone you love.
At the end of the day, having respect in your relationship simply means that you treat each other with courtesy and place an equal importance on both of your thoughts and feelings.
The fact is, your partner’s opinions matter just as much as yours and deserve to be treated as such. No matter how off they may sound to you.
Now, something that might be deemed disrespectful happening once in the blue moon isn’t the end of the world. You can just talk about why it was wrong and discuss ways to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
However, if it’s something you actually get comfortable doing, especially on purpose, there are some deeper and more serious issues in your relationship that need to be resolved. Preferably with professional help.
So what are your thoughts, guys? Do you find disrespect popping up in your relationship more than it should? How do you handle it? Leave a comment and let me know!