7 Things Love Isn't
If you ask twenty people to define love, you’ll most likely get twenty different answers.
Because love is so difficult to define in a simple way, all we can really do to explain it is to describe what it is to us based on our experiences.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions out there as to what love is, though.
So today, I wanted to take some time to challenge those misconceptions and discuss seven things I believe love isn’t, and hopefully save you a few headaches down the line.
1. Love isn’t enough.
I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships the other day and they said something that stood out to me:
“Well, as long as we love each other, everything will work out.”
A lot of couples live by this belief and end up neglecting other important parts of their relationship because they believe love is all they need to make it work.
You still have to be compatible. You still have to communicate well. You still have to learn how to resolve your issues in a healthy way. Without these things, it won’t last, regardless of how much you love each other.
2. Love isn’t a reason to sacrifice who you are.
Every relationship requires some level of compromise. As long as you have two worlds merging into one, there will have to be some conceding to what your partner wants from time to time.
However, there’s a big difference between compromising your time or your preferences for the relationship and sacrificing who you are for the relationship.
A healthy love respects your integrity and would never pressure you to go against your values or sacrifice your self-respect to make it work.
3. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice.
If you haven’t already gotten to that point in your relationship, it’s important to know that there will be a point where you won’t always feel like loving your partner.
Love won’t always be as convenient as you’d like it to be and at some point you’ll have to choose to love your partner, even though you don’t feel like doing so in the moment.
Instead of your actions being driven by your feelings of love for them, many times your feelings will be driven by your choice to love your partner.
And that’s a choice you’ll have to make over and over.
Which leads to my next point:
4. Love isn’t effortless.
Love matters the most in moments when it’s the least convenient to love.
Like that moment when you want to give your partner a piece of your mind because they spoke out of line with you, but you instead choose to respond with love because you know they’re exhausted from a long day and aren’t thinking straight.
Or when you’re getting impatient with your partner because they keep doing that thing they know you don’t like, but you respond with love and patience because you know they have good intentions are are doing their best to make you happy.
Or that moment when you’d rather hold a grudge and be upset with your mate, but choose to forgive them because no one’s perfect.
Love isn’t always easy. It requires an effort. One that you won’t always feel like making.
5. Love isn’t enough to resolve issues.
Making up and expressing how much you love each other isn’t an effective way to resolve the differences in your relationship.
You might feel better in the moment, but you’re essentially just putting a band-aid on the issue.
While your love might affect how you do it, your ability to communicate effectively and find common ground is what’s going to get you through those challenges.
Make up and express your love for each other AFTER you find a solution.
6. Love isn’t about being perfect.
We all want to look good in the eyes of our partner. We want them to appreciate us. We want them to like us. We want them to respect us.
However, love isn’t about perfection. It’s not about painting a perfect picture with no flaws that makes it easier for them to love you.
It’s about showing up as you are, flaws and all and being accepted anyway.
7. Love isn’t about you.
Love isn’t something you give your partner to make yourself feel better.
Everyone has experienced love in their own unique way in their lives, so when you love your partner, it’s important to love them the way they understand and can feel.
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that, “this is how I’d like to receive love, so it must be the same for them”, when in reality we’re all different.
Take the time to understand your partner’s love language and make the effort to love them in a way that serves them and not yourself.
So what are your thoughts? Do you and your partner define love the same way? What are some common misconceptions about love you’ve heard or experienced?
Leave a comment and let me know!