Who To Get Relationship Advice From And Who To Avoid

Whether it's a good idea or not to ask for advice from your friends and family about your relationship problems is a pretty divided issue these days.

According to a discussion I had with the good folks in my Instagram community, people who think it’s a bad idea feel that relationship problems should only be dealt with between both partners. For them, more people involved means more potential for drama, less privacy and just more opinions to worry about.

Those who thought it was a great idea felt it would be helpful to gain some insight they might have never come to on their own. Or just to have a perspective that wasn’t biased to either one of them.

Personally, I believe it’s important for couples to surround themselves with a community that believes in them not just as individuals, but in the relationship as well. That means having trusted people in your life that are committed to your relationship’s success.

People you can reach out to for advice and support when you’re not sure what to do. These people can range from friends, to a community of like-minded couples or to your favorite relationship coach or counselor.

Now, you don’t want to have just any-old-body in that community either. So today, I want to cover 3 types three types of people you DON’T want to have in that circle and 3 types of people you do.

Types of people to avoid:

Someone who gossips

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[column size="1/2"] If they gossip to you, chances are they will gossip about you. Make sure whoever you reach out to understands and values the confidentiality of what you’re confiding in them.

Someone who doesn’t respect your partner or relationship

So what that means is, don’t go seeking advice about your relationship issues from your brother who never actually liked your boyfriend to begin with. Whoever you choose should respect both your partner and your relationship and prioritize your success together.

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A video posted by Jay Cadet (@jaycadet) on

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Someone who’s never been in your shoes

Just because someone has an opinion about what you’re going through doesn’t mean they really understand what you’re going through. That doesn’t invalidate their opinion [it may have truth], but it does mean they are judging the situation from a distance and not from experience.

Types of people to include:

Someone who has a perspective both you and your partner value and agree will be helpful to your relationship

I cannot stress the word agree here more. Because sharing private and sensitive details about your relationship without your partner’s knowledge or against their will is betrayal. So it’s critical you both talk beforehand about who you’d like to confide in and only open up to those people.

Someone who's a great listener

Listening is the most important skill for that person to possess. A great listener doesn’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what you’re going through.

They hear you out, they ask questions and they make sure they fully understand where you’re coming from before giving you their two cents.

Someone who respects whatever choice you decide to make

For some people, you following the advice they give you is more important than you doing what you feel is right for your relationship. These are the folks who get mad at you later on for not following their every word.

Make sure the person you confide in respects your process and your choices. Make sure they understand that although they play a roll in it, their advice is just that, advice. It’s not a guarantee you’ll do what they said just because they suggested it.

All that said, here at the studio, we value community and the benefits that come with it, which is why we started A Tribe Called Love, our community for unmarried couples looking to meet and connect with like-minded couples while having a good time.

It’s also why I created my group workshops and group courses, which are more focused on couples coming together to work through the challenges most of us face, while supporting each other with accountability, insight on shared experiences, among other things.

So whether you choose to take part in our community or create and build your own, I hope you do so wisely. While it can be helpful to the growth and stability of your relationship, it can also do the exact opposite if you aren’t careful about who you bring into it.

So what are your thoughts? What would you guys add to this list? And if you disagree, why?

**This post is a part of my Quick Question & Discussion series, where I give my own take on discussions I've had with the good folks in my social media community.**