Why You Should Resist The Pressure To Get Married Until You're Ready
Forget The Ultimatums
So this past weekend, a Twitter friend mentioned something that adften makes a lot of guys uncomfortable:
[quote cite="Vida Bonita"]Seriously ladies. Its a man's job to propose to us. After a 1 or 2 years a man should know if he wants to marry you. If not why stay?[/quote]
And her point [however blunt] brings up a lot of valid questions:
- Is there a time limit on when you should propose?
- At what point do you know you're ready to commit someone in marriage?
- How long is too long when it comes to dating without taking that big step?
- Are ultimatums fair? Or should commitment be a more organic process?
[Check out yesterday's Quick Question on Instagram to the right to hear what folks had to say about this one...]
These questions actually pop up quite often with the couples I work with who are having conversations about commitment.
My answer is always to only commit when YOU'RE ready. Not when your partner wants you to. Not when your family wants you to. Not when your friends want you to. Committing your life to someone is something you should never do until you feel the time is right.
The fact is, marriage takes work. If you get married for the wrong reasons, you’ll only end up bitter and full of resentment down the line when things get tough. Why risk the stability of your marriage for the sake of getting married now?
I hear story after story of couples who fell into the pressure of getting married before they were ready, only to wish they never took that route to begin with 5 years down the line.
I've also known some couples to wait as much as 6 or 7 years to get married because that's how long it took them to become not only mature enough to take on such a serious commitment, but to make sure they were financially, emotionally and spiritually equipped to make the marriage work successfully.
Get On The Same Page
Now, while it's important for you to be ready before you choose to commit, it's equally as important for you to be considerate enough to not to string your partner along for the ride if you have no idea when that time might come.
Sure, taking your time to ready yourself for marriage requires patience from your mate, but to avoid the pressure from them and the disappointment down the road, it's only fair for you to open up and put your vision for the future of your relationship out on the table.
If you and your mate have a clear understanding of how much time you'll both need, and what has to be in place for that commitment to happen, you'll both be less anxious about the future and more supportive of each other in getting there.
Are you feeling doubtful about taking that step? No problem, but give your mate the opportunity to reassure you. Are you feeling overwhelmed about it? Fine, just give your mate the opportunity to share that burden with you, instead of leaving them in the dark and letting their concern add to it.
Remember that falling into the pressure of getting married when you're not ready can leave you feeling trapped. When you're mature enough and equipped with the right tools to handle the challenges marriage brings, you won't feel pressured. In fact, being prepared will give you a sense of relief about taking that step.