Why Your Relationship Problems Keep Coming Back [And What You Should Do]


The Missing Link

Relationship issues can be frustrating, but the most frustrating ones are the ones that can’t seem to just GO. AWAY. But what I find interesting is how even though we experience them, get angry or frustrated with the result and vow that we've learned and won't go back, we end up in that same place again and again.

I see this happen with couples I work with all the time. Whether it’s a bad habit that they’re just too comfortable with, a communication issue they can’t seem to get a grasp on or something less visible like taking their partner for granted, they’re looking for ways to deal with these challenges so that they don't come back.

So what's the missing link here? The one big thing I've noticed so many couples seem to miss when it comes to finding a sustainable solution is the lesson.

The Lesson

Everything happens for a reason. And I’m not just talking about the good things. All of our mistakes, shortcomings and failures happen for a reason too. And that reason is to let us know that something is off. To teach us a lesson. To let us know some adjustments need to be made.

Unfortunately, so many folks just never find that lesson. They never find it because it’s uncomfortable for them to own up to the fact that their approach isn’t working. It’s uncomfortable owning up to their stake in the problem.[pullquote]They're afraid to step out of their comfort zone, but the fact is, growth is not supposed to be comfortable.[/pullquote]

So what do they do? They point to their partner and blame them. They blame it on circumstances out of their control. Or my personal favorite, “This is just who I am, I can’t change that.”

They're afraid to step out of their comfort zone, but the fact is, growth is not supposed to be comfortable. It requires you to swallow your pride and take action you’re not familiar with. And Taking action you're not familiar with means you’ll get results you’ve never gotten before. And that’s the whole point!

New Problems

That’s the thing with relationships. For as long as you're with someone else, you’ll always have challenges. But you want new challenges that help you grow, not the same old same old ones that keep you fighting and stressed out.

Humbling yourself and allowing the those issues to teach you what they’re trying to opens up a world of possibilities and experiences that will enrich your relationship in ways you never thought possible.

Next time you find yourself faced with an issue in your relationship, answer the following questions will ensure you deal with it so it doesn't continue to come back:

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  • What went wrong? [Discernment]
  • What was my contribution to the situation? [Humility]
  • What is that mistake trying to teach me? [Wisdom]
  • How can I adjust my approach next time? [Responsibility]


Albert Einstein defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So give yourself permission to try something new and you'll be surprised at how much smoother things go moving forward.